Join Us, Wufei
by Miniryu
Summary: Poooooor Wufei. It's been a hard day for him and his Pookie... [4x3, 1x2/2x1, Kx5 comedy, 6x13, DxR] Comedic OOC-ness, esp. Wufei. ^_^;


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Join Us, Wufei

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By Mini, [_tapakey@gte.net_][1]__

Written for Zelda, for her birthday. Happy Birthday, Z-chan!! ^_^! *hugs!!*

Hope you get a laugh out of this! ^_~! I always get one from your hilarious Unaireds! ^_^!

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Wufei's face held a blissed-out expression as he stuffed more kleenex up his nose.

It felt so right, when Pookie filled him so... He rammed it up there again and sighed a sigh of gaiety. He had truly relied on Pookie to pull him through this...

*~FlashBack~*

Wufei: *in front of door* ... *snort* ... *opens door* ... O.O!! AAAAH!!!

Quatre: Oh yes, oh ALLAH! *screams*

Trowa: ...! ... ...!! *moans and goes faster*

Quatre: *incoherent moans and screaming*

Trowa: ...

Quatre: Enough playing!! *rides Trowa*

Trowa: !!! @_@!

Wufei: ... *trickle of blood*

Quatre: *whimpering* ...Oh... ...Join us, Wufei?

Wufei: *red rivers* ... NATAKUUUUUUUUUUUU!!! *runs out*

Trowa: ...

Quatre: PAY ATTENTION!!! *rides*

Trowa: Hnnnn... 

*screaming*

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He sighed and crammed another wad in for good measure. He took off his jacket and walked over to the closet. As he was about to open the door, he smelled something...

"Nani?" His eyebrow continued to raise as smoke came out of the door. He flung to door open to see Heero and Duo leaning against the wall smoking... ...

..?!

"NANI?? Yuy, what are you doing?!?!" Wufei's eyes went wide. Duo smiled behind far away eyes and waved.

"Yo, Wu!" He held the marijuana between his fingers and giggled as Heero leaned on him.

"Hn!" Heero took one look at Wufei and grabbed the drug, taking a good puff and licking Duo's cheek sloppily. He smiled and lost his balance a bit, but held onto Duo, firmly pressed into the wall. "Let's have sex..." Heero giggled, giddy and whacked out.

"Wanna join us, Wu?" Duo chortled and started rubbing against Heero.

"Join us, Wufei..." Heero's voice called out to him, beckoning.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" Wufei slammed the door shut and ran out to Shenlong, reaching into the glove compartment [^^] that held his economy-size kleenex box.

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"Dis... honor..." Wufei panted, after shoving a few wads of his beloved Pookie in him. "Ahhhhh..." he breathed, trying to keep his dishonorable thoughts at a minimum.

[Mini: YAY!! MINI-mum!]

He sighed and clutched his beloved Pookie. It was then that something on Shenlong started beeping.

"What is it, Nataku?" he asked, half expecting an answer. He saw a flashing button and pushed it. "Nani?"

He was greeted by a message that read:

"Be here in ten minutes."

"NANI?" Before he could figure out where "here" was, a map popped up in the window. "Hn." He looked over the mapped area to see the destination marked with a flashing red light.

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Upon getting to OZ's custodian closet, he was greeted by many... unusual ... noises.

"Nanda?" He threw open the door.

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"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!" Wufei's scream echoed throughout the entire base, sending chills of dread to the many officers who were on coffee break at the time.

"So good of you to join us, Dragon! Trieze's face had and extremely OOC goofy grin on his face as Zechs raised the cat o' nine tails high in the air again, bringing it down hard upon the other man again. "Harder, Mistress!!"

Zechs also had a goofy look plastered on his face, an insane smile that rivaled Duo's when he had taken a buzz saw and weed eater to Dorothy's eyebrows.

Wufei paled and then quickly became red.

"Ki ... KISAMA!!!" he shouted, and started to nosebleed. "Join us, Dragon," cooed and moaned as Zechs brought the cat down again.

"Yes, join us, 05..." Zechs's voice became robotic, and Wufei ran, screaming all the way back outside. Many OZ officers retired that day.

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"INJUSTICE!!" came Wufei's voice, once again from his cockpit. He searched through the glove compartment again and still found nothing. "INJUSTICE!!!!!" he screeched. He hated it when he ran out of his Pookie. Time to go...

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GROCERY SHOPPING!

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"Pookies... So many beautiful Pookies... Wufei's eyes shined as he whipped around the aisle, happily gazing unto the colorful boxes. "Pookies and their _COUSINS_!" Wufei's eyes welled up with sentimental tears.

IMAGINE! Not *just* kleenex, but toilet paper and paper towels, too!

This aisle was a symbol of Wufei's everlasting joy.

He knocked the boxes into the cart and fluttered along.

The other customers stared at him while he floated around the aisle.

He became starry eyed and took a deep breath.

The dreaded noise began, and people ran, shrieking out their torture.

**__**

WUFEI WAS *SINGING*.

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Finally back on full stock of kleenex and other related products, Wufei took his Nataku back home, kicking his shoes off and going to raid the refrigerator. Picking out some lo mein, he headed to the den, fully expecting to sit on the couch and watch the next episode of Tenchi.

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Instead, he was greeted by Dorothy and Relena, making out while TITANIC was playing in the VCR.

THE HORROR!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" Wufei spat out a noodle. "NANI??? How did the women get in here?!?" He didn't wait for an answer, he just ran.

Behind him he heard two monotonic voices calling.

"Join us, Wufei...!"

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**__**

The door flew open and Wufei ran to lay under the covers in a fetal position, shivering. Then, he blacked out.

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When Wufei awoke, he was surrounded by pink daisies and he fellow pilots happily singing and dancing in a circle.

Quatre smoothed out his pink tafetta dress and held out his hand to the Chinese youth. Waitaminute... His skin was a light green! O.O!!

"Join us, Wufei!" he called, and continued clog-dancing with the others, his short pig-tails tied with pink bows making him the very image of sickening cuteness. Green sickening cuteness. [O.o] He giggled girlishly and pulled a lollipop from Heero's pink spandex shorts.

Wufei tried to scream, but nothing came out, his terror silent in the horror of life.

"Join us, Wu!" Duo smiled through closed eyes and clog danced along with the others in his odd combination of a pink clog and one lace-up bitch boot, matching perfectly with his fuzzy pink jacket and bunny ears, but clashing horribly with his orange and purple pleated plaid skirt.

"Join us, Wufei...!" Trowa called, and was followed by Heero.

"Join us, Wufei..." came the wraith-like voice.

"Join us, Wufei..." All of the pilots took turns beckoning to him, and Zechs, Treize, Dorothy and Relena backed them up, each stalking Wufei.

The poor Chinese boy tried to yell, but still nothing but silence.

Then, finally...

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"KISAAAAAAAAMAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

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Wufei woke with a start, sweating bullets and breathing heavily.

He looked up into Quatre's caring eyes. ...Quatre was saying something, his mouth was moving, but Wufei couldn't make out any of the words, barely being able to see.

"...Think so, but he... Wufei? You awake, there?" I ..."

Wufei's vision wavered, and he didn't hear anything.

"...Wa eta old... press... geese wings... apen... ink... fei...*"

"Nnnn..." Wufei's vision came back to normal again, and he stretched his arms.

"...Ufe... eye joe... oh... thin... ease um... ack... fus...**" Wufei blinked a few times and moaned. "...Fei? You back?"

"In... justice..." the dizzy Chinese boy muttered, and sat up slowly, swaying slightly.

"Ah, you're back!" Quatre smiled and flagged the others over.

"Wu-man, you were screaming 'n shit! What the hell happened?" Duo's big violet eyes were wide. Trowa remained silent and put a hand on Quatre's shoulder. Heero stood on the other side of Wufei and grunted at him.

At last... He was back in reality...

He sighed and removed the compress from his forehead.

"You had the 24-hour flu." Quatre frowned and Trowa put his arm around his koi.

"Nani?" Wufei tried to get up on his feet, wobbling and hobbling a moment, then finally waddling to the door. "Hn..."

The rest of the room was silent.

"I'm going to worship Pookie and Nataku."

Wufei said this quickly and waddled his way to the bathroom.

Duo smiled maniacally and leaned towards Heero to whisper in his ear, breath licking and tickling it. "You know what that means...! Eh, I don't blame him, after all that dreaming, he probably needs a good jerking-off anyway!"

Heero burned red and blood shot out his nose, sending Duo rolling on the floor.

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"Ah..." Wufei sighed his relief and came out of the bathroom, shower-fresh and once again his normal self. He headed across the hall and down the stairs, drying his hair in a-- Pookie bless-- WHITE towel. O wondrous hour of merry glee!

He smiled and hummed a nameless tune as he wound around to the den.

There was the whole gang, playing a round of Go Fish. Duo smiled and putt down a few cards before facing Wufei.

"Join us, Wufei!" he said, beaming.

Wufei paled before running out of the room, screaming.

The others sat on the furniture, speechless.

Duo turned to Quatre and looked at the blonde boy, who was equally confused.

"Was it something I said?"

~*~END!!!~*~

*--"Trowa, get a cold compress... These things happen... I think Wufei is..."

**--"Wufei? Daijoubu? Duo, I think he's coming back to us..."

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Feedback is highly appreaciated! ^_^! ~Mini

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   [1]: mailto:tapakey@gte.net



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